CONTENT WARNING: MENTION OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE AT FIRST I WAS AFRAID I was raped when I was kid. And because of this, I’ve developed Chronic Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Even though this hasn’t stopped me from being sexually active throughout my life, I found that my body was always tense during sex, like a car crash about to happen, I’m always bracing for impact. Finally, during Melboure’s COVID-lockdown, I decided to finally talk to my therapist to help me through this. He introduced me to this treatment called EMDR. It stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing, which is a form of psychotherapy that can help you reprocess traumatic experiences. One of the side effects of undergoing this treatment is having vivid dreams for a number days and towards the end of this treatment I had a dream about owning a gloryhole. Waking up with an uncontrollable urge of owning one, and through the help of my friends, I ended up having a gloryhole built in my own apartment the following day. Surprised by this new addition to my home, my psychologist pointed out that this in fact the first time where I’m being experimental and playful in my sex life. The gloryhole presented an opportunity for me to create a safe sex environment to connect with strangers. Through this experience, I’ve been inspired to chronicle the diversity of men who’ve consented to sharing their lives with you and me and as a way of rewriting my relationship with sex and pleasure.